We mostly want to clear out, avoid, or ignore our own pain. We want, and are often told, to “get over it.” “That happened so long ago, can’t you let it go?” or “Think positive. But what if that pain is a valuable messenger?
I’ve found that the only way to move forward is to first learn the lesson, feel the pain. To Know, viscerally (and usually painfully), what happened. Did your father beat you? Did your mother ignore you? Were you called stupid or worthless? When these things happen, our psyches create Inner critics who repeat those words messages that were either covert or overt; verbalized or unspoken. Our Inner Critics, or Inner Shame-ers ineptly try to help us the only way they know how; they mimic.
AND, our psyches many times will create an Inner Historian. The Inner Historian does its best to teach us our own history. It advocates for our wounded self by designing lesson plans, scenarios, “plays” to show us what we need to know; to connect us with ourselves. You might call this “repetition compulsion.” The Inner Historian is persistent! It may nudge us towards toxic situations that repeat old dynamics. It doesn’t stop until we listen, until we feel, with self-compassion, the old pain. It doesn’t stop teaching until we learn what happened and learn that it doesn’t define us. It doesn’t stop until we feel compassion towards our wounded selves.
When we acknowledge, feel the pain, and learn the lesson, the Inner Historian is satisfied. The wounded one feels heard and loved. The Inner Critic can ease up or change roles. We don’t have to repeat our childhoods.
Let me help you find that new, freer way of being, with the help of your loving Inner Historian.
