Reawaken your Strength

"You need not remove, destroy, or tear anything out of yourself in order to build something new... your practice instead is to reawaken what is already wise, strong, and whole within you, to cultivate those qualities of heart and spirit that are available to you in this very moment." ~ Wayne Muller

Be Yourself (ves)

"Don’t just be yourself, be all of your selves." ~ Joss Whedon

Let's listen to our inner wounded one, our inner Queen/King, even our inner critic.
Be yourself! We're all good!

And may your Best Self preside over the
domain of You with compassion and wisdom.

Look at me

"It was the first time in my life that anyone had looked at me not as a lowly girl who was always disappointing everyone, but as a human being who had value." *

This quote is from a story in Parabola magazine about a Korean girl who felt different, unappreciated, scorned. Korean girls at this time were expected to become wives and mothers, but this girl wanted only to teach martial arts. Eventually she met someone who invited her to look him in the eyes (a forbidden act for a girl in her culture), which allowed him to in turn look deeply into her eyes. He sensed her dreams and schemes and lovingly affirmed her (counter-cultural) strivings.

This story illustrates how I want you to feel as my client; that I sense your dreams and schemes and honor them. I want you to encounter your own inner desires, find your inner Approver and say YES to yourself.

Photograph by Sally Mann

*Kim, Tae Yun, from "Seven Steps to Inner Power." Excerpted from Parabola Magazine Summer 2018.

Spring

"Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems."

Rainer Maria Rilke

Artwork by Vincent Van Gogh

What does springtime have to do with Lyrical Healing?  Well, Lyrical Healing can help you to find a spring in your psyche!
 

Anger Management Revisited

My psyche has been marinating in anger. Why have I been “stewing” in it? As a child, I felt, although I could not articulate it, that my anger would hurt my parents. And even without the fear of harm, expression of anger was not modeled in my home. Expression of any emotion was discouraged. So what did I do with my anger? I turned it against myself. The unsaid but felt words of my mother became the words I directed towards myself. “Don’t be angry; it’s unappealing and scary. Your anger will hurt others, or will drive you to hurt others.” And in the circles I associate with now, the voices I hear say “live in the light,” “think positive,” you create your experience,” you attract what you focus on.” Many voices whisper warnings against expressing and even feeling anger. So I oblige.

Is Anger Bad?

I think I am like most people. We civilized people are expected to control our anger. We label anger as bad and joy as good. But at what price? Do we want to control to the point of repression? What are the consequences of ignored anger? What happens when we can’t even feel our anger?  Obviously we don’t need anger management classes that teach us to count our breath or wait ten minutes when we feel furious. We don’t need lessons in preventing outbursts. We don’t need books or articles or therapists coaching us to stay calm when we feel murderous. We need help feeling murderous in the first place!

Why Express Anger?

Why? Because unfelt feelings do not go away, they mutate. Anger towards a mother may turn to anger towards the self, which can feel like depression. Repressed longing may become an eating disorder. Unacknowledged frustration may turn into chronic headaches. An unidentified anxiety may manifest as hives.

Let's Feel the Feelings

So what’s the solution? Not anger management classes. Maybe Anger Appreciation 101! Which could look like meditation; sitting with the feeling. Notice what happens in our bodies. Notice our thoughts. Feel the anger and then let it go. Maybe know the sadness beneath the anger.

Sanctity

"Each being possesses an immanent dignity; it is already gifted by the loving Creator with a sanctity beyond our ability to understand." ~ Mary Beth Ingham

Photograph by Edward Weston

Still Think the Body and Emotions Aren't Inter-related?

Chopra and the Body/Mind Connection:

https://chopra.com/articles/mind-body-connection-understanding-the-psycho-emotional-roots-of-disease

The Dalai Lama on Healing Emotions:

https://books.google.com/books/about/Healing_Emotions.html?id=sjFYFE_OFzAC

Candace Pert and the Body/Mind Connection:

http://candacepert.com/

The Physical Side of Emotions:

http://www.ener-chi.com/the-physical-side-of-emotions-and-emotional-healing/

Traditional Chinese Medicine "Causes of Illness:"

https://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/natural-medicine/chinese/traditional-chinese-medicine-causes-of-illness6.htm

Organs and Emotions:

http://www.shen-nong.com/eng/principles/sevenemotions.html

Tuning in to Our Feelings

Sometimes it’s easier to hurt physically than to hurt emotionally. Sometimes the low back pain, twisted knee or achy shoulder is less distressing than the emotions “behind” those symptoms.

Pain and Emotions

Here’s an example. I recently had a very intense therapy session in which I felt feelings from my childhood that I’d rather not feel. I hesitate to even write about them. Not long after this session, I developed a strange pain in my right low back. I imagined a tumor, a pulled muscle, I googled the Quadratus Lumborum muscle, conferred with my chiropractor brother, asked a colleague for a trade, thought about dying from cancer. Then I noticed that I felt emotionally numb. I wondered… when did I start feeling this back pain… and what was I feeling emotionally?.... As soon as I realized that I was avoiding my feelings, that the REAL issue was emotional pain, the physical pain started to subside. The less need I have to distract myself from the emotional pain, the less physical pain I manifest.

What did I really feel? (And this is a great question to ask yourself at any moment during the day.) I feel shame. Shame for not overcoming childhood pain. Shame for not loving all parts of myself, after all these years, shame for not standing up for myself with the therapist, and shame for feeling anger towards the therapist. In the past few days it became easier to feel the back pain than to feel the shame.

Healing Shame

How can I heal that shame? Feel it. Share it. Know that I am not unique. Have compassion for myself. Don’t expect the shame to disappear; what we judge won’t budge. Maybe spend some time just acknowledging and feeling the shame. Comfort the part of me that feels ashamed.

Feel the Feelings

Our feelings can guide us. If we don’t feel them they may transform into depression, muscular tension, eating disorders, etc. Let’s listen, feel, and let go. Let’s prevent the headaches or heart palpitations or back pain; feel the feeling. Try this: notice an uncomfortable or tense area of your body. See if it’s associated with a thought or a feeling.  Feel the feeling. Then, instead of jumping to a more “positive” thought or feeling, breath in that discomfort, that pain, that anxiety into your whole body! Breathe it in. Feel it. Then exhale it and let it go. Do that a few times and see what happens. Let it flow.

Is the Law of Attraction Really a Law?

When we look at a plane, we see a sleek machine with wings. If we could see inside an airplane, we would know that most airplanes have more than one engine. Commercial airplanes have an autopilot option and flights often employ two pilots. So who is in charge and what powers the plane? It depends.

Similarly, our bodies/psyches can be powered and ruled by a variety of “engines.” So who is in charge of you? It depends. Is it your inner critic? Does she or he rule you? Or is it your inner child? Perhaps your Higher Self is in charge...until you visit your parents, at which time your inner child takes over. When we are encouraged to “think positive” or use the power of our intentions, which part of us is “intending?”

Perhaps we need to question the power of our intention.  Can we really attract what we want by thinking positive thoughts or by chanting affirmations? After all, who is it that is chanting that affirmation? What happens when our conscious mind affirms that we are happy while our shushed inner child silently frets? If we continuously shush that inner child, he/she will get more insistent, more powerful. He or she will shout over the affirmations. Let's listen to our inner child, access our inner nurturer, let our capital 'S' Self overwhelm us with his/her innate optimism and positive spirit!